The Parent Within Yourself

Each new year many Americans resolve to do better. Many of those who make resolutions don’t even keep them through the first month of the new year. Many years ago I adopted the idea that there was a parent inside of us who could set the agenda for success. The determination to listen to the "parent inside of you" is a carry over from the days when your mom and dad helped guide you through your youth and take deserved pride when you graduated to adulthood. I remember my sons saying they couldn’t wait until they were eighteen so they could do anything they wanted. Freedom? We are never really free from the obligations we have to our own conscience and the need to help others less fortunate. We are never free from the need to earn a living that provides for food, clothing and shelter for ourselves and our loved ones. Altruistic personalities can never be free from the need to make the world a little bit better - each day. Narcissistic types are never free from the need to gain fame and fortune and recognition as leaders. Well, maintaining our bodies is a requirement we decide for ourselves.

The strongest human urge is the determination to live. And yet many cannot resist the temptation to eat food based solely on taste, in spite of the harm bad foods can do to our immune system, our overall energy, the joy we experience in seeing a younger you in the mirror. It really isn’t the number that’s scary - it’s the change in the mirror reflection that begins to show wrinkles, loss of hair, and an overweight body that isn’t what we want to see.
The "Parent within yourself" is the one person you can’t argue with or blame for the mistakes you make. Each morning, not each New Year’s Day, we should commit to certain priorities and then measure our success by the accomplishment that satisfies us with a feeling similar to the happiness of a youthful desire to please your parent. Feed your spirit with accomplishment and the void you try to fill with tasty junk food is nowhere to be found. In the past year we have seen many fine people die prematurely in their 50s. They thought that the priority was to make as much money as they could and possess the biggest and finest of products. In the midst of their hurry to reach the top rung of the latter, they justified eating on the run and making food a necessary quick- hit without any thought given to the fuel your body and mind need to function. Many forget that moderation and balance, work and play, stopping to enjoy the landscape and enjoying the art of conversation and interaction with others should be uppermost on our itinerary.

You are sure to change the oil in your car or replace the tires when they no longer provide you with safe travel. You perform maintenance on your home to prevent leaking gutters and heat loss, updating your home to meet your ever-changing needs as you mature. One of my great joys is watching the Senior Tennis League enjoy the company of others in their "Golden Years." They laugh, talk, play and bond in a way that I never saw in any church. They share kind words and important new knowledge which helps them live longer, happier and healthy lives. Nine of them are in their late 80s and three of them are now over ninety. What do they have in common? Love! Love of life, love of good food, love of competition and especially loving their neighbor as they love themselves. Thirty years have passed since I first met up with these old codgers playing tennis and loving it. They’ve endured heart attacks, cancer, aches and pains and heart aches for loved ones-- sick and dying, didn’t stop them from passing through the gates of the tennis court. They had learned to focus on the here and now. They learned that the precious moment was all they could be sure of and that it was good to leave their heavy burdens on the other side of that gate. That first group were about 59-years-old and there were some as old as 89-years-old. They had learned the secrets to a good life and put them into practice. Surrounding yourself with people of good will, laughter and caring-loving personalities further supported their ideals. About two years ago they began passing on at ages between 87 and 89 and some of them passed on while playing their last game of tennis---as they had hoped. We gathered together to wish them a fond farewell and to thank our creator for the honor and privilege of having known them and learned so much from these exceptional role models.
And so, I began to put into practice what they had taught me. The parent inside of me was allowed to take over and resolved that I do the following: Start an exercise plan you can commit to every day. Even if it’s just a walk or playing a healthy sport you enjoy. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein - avoiding processed, fried, high-salt and-sugary foods. Remembering to drink water was something I would forget to do in the midst of enjoying all that life had to offer – so much that I passed 7 kidney stones in one year. On occasion, I went 10 hours without sipping water and then for some unknown reason I craved the taste of fresh lemon and water - sweetened to make it delicious to the palate. In my early 30s I began to gain weight and promised my self to drink a full glass of water before eating. Recent research now verifies that thirst is often mistaken for hunger and food without fresh water hinders digestion without proper hydration. Oatmeal was the breakfast most satisfying to me and easy to prepare while my mother worked hard to provide for three boys. My father was a coal-miner and the diagnosis was mistakenly "tuberculosis" and my father was quarantined in Meyer Memorial (now ECMC) and so as oldest it was my duty to help provide for my brothers. The fiber in Old Fashioned Oatmeal kept me healthy and feeling full until about 3 pm. Later I learned that the fiber contained lecithin (the drano of the arteries) which kept my cholesterol count well below 200. Breathing in and out deeply when faced with stress could help calm you with increased oxygen flow.
Post notes around your home (today’s refrigerator magnets) and at bedside at the end of a busy day. These notes will give you positive messages and goals. You will feed on accomplishment and get the good feeling one experiences with seeing your goals realized. Italians had an old saying, "Get the stone out of your shoe." Remove the obstacles by prioritizing and then rewarding yourself with the balance of work and play.
Interdependence became a special relationship we enjoyed in the Badminton Club and the Senior Tennis League. Smiling at a friendly face returns the favor with happiness and resolves many problems with a good start. The bible says that when you give, you receive 10 fold. To me the return is immeasurable and priceless. Getting old is worth it if getting wiser is part of the package. My best years were those I had with making others happy, healthy and feeling good about what we were doing. The finest businessmen I’ve ever known always started with a broad smile and a hearty handshake.
You don’t always have to set the goal — just take the first step and watch inertia carry you forward. Studies of successful people found that "failing forward" was the one thing they had in common.